Fuck tuk-tuks.

Fucking tuk-tuks.

They're wheeled bicycle carts in Vietnam.

You're supposed to negotiate a price with them before they take off.

I tried.

The girls told me that two nights ago, they paid 20,000 Dong and last night they paid 10,000. So I figure I'll start at 10,000 and, worst comes to worse, 20,000. (20,000 is about $1.20) So I say to the guy, "10."

He says "you decide."

I try to settle on 10,000.

He re-affirms, "you decide."

I get in.

He drives me a little, and he tries to communicate with me. In vain. I tell him I don't understand.

He stops the bike, gets out, and takes a piss.

Why he can't fucking wait until the end, I'm not sure.

He bikes me the rest of the way, trying again to talk to me, tapping me on the shoulder (please note that he has not washed his hands at this point, probably all day, I'm thinking.)

He stops about 500 yards from the entrance of the B&B.

Now I know I'm in for it.

I give him the overly generous 20,000.

He demands 50,000 and at the same time telling me that he told me that I could decide.

Now I'm pissed, because I knew full well he would do this (it's practically obligatory from what I hear) and he's posturing in the street, showing all kinds of emotions from angry, to pissed off, to near tears, trying to get me to pay him what he wants.

I'm not having it.

Now I'm just offering him the 20,000, and I start walking away.

"This, or nothing."

He's still pitching a fit.

I go to the entrance of the B&B, and now I'm waiting for him to come in. He motions for me to come back out.

I give him the 20,000 and he tells me to go fuck myself.

Fantastic. Next time I'll just risk the burn on my inner right calf.