I present you real emails between dad and me while I was in Israel. I know he was really worried, and yet, he still managed to retain that classis Phillips wit and ability to find humor in even the most fucked up situations.
Love you, dad. Love you too, mom, but your emails aren't as funny. ;)
Texts from my dad
Jul 7, 2014
Me: (sent photo of Nescafé instant coffee... Instant coffee I thought only old Jews drank). I'm starting to get our people. This is the best at home coffee option!!!
Dad: Our people? Do you mean coffee drinkers?
Me: Sorry, "Our People." OLD JEWS
Dad: Old Jews telling jokes, not drinking coffee. Are you orthodox. Did Justin convert? Should I only buy kosher?
Me: Do you ever "buy" anything anymore? You should only steal kosher. Shalom.
---
July 9, 2014
Dad: When you get home I'm going to kill you. I'd really like to make it to my 70th birthday. Please be careful.
Me: Love you dad. Sorry about the worry.
Dad: if you wanted to go where there's killings, try Detroit or Chicago
Me: That sounds great for next summer, they got felafel?
Dad: Felafel? Main Street 200 feet away. You do know that Jen had Cypress as part of her wedding package from caterer. She offered it to you and you turned her down. IRONIC.....
---
July 10, 2014
Dad: With all the beautiful countries, why do you go to war zones. I hope Justin is more leery for the both of you. Try to avoid Mexico, Colombia, Darfour, and Northern China. Thank you in behalf of mom and me
Me: Well, actually, when I chose Cyprus, justin looks at the map and says, "hey, Cindy, it's just a straight road from here to fallujah..." Sooooo maybe not. Is now a bad time to tell you Colombia and Mexico were really high on the list for next year??
Dad: cocaine high?
---
July 11, 2014
Me: FaceTime not working. At the beach.
Dad: Another time. Cyprus might not work. Saw your comments. Not being held for ransom is another plus.
---
July 12, 2014
Dad: Unable to get hbo go they want password as of July 1 didn't want to bother you since your life was in danger
July 21, 2014
Dad: stop worrying about money.
Me: I'm not worried, pop. Who hasn't had some kind of travel issue where they have to drop an extra grand?? And for our safety and your peace of mind, it was worth every penny.
Besides, I'm a baller.
And I'm gonna steal sugar packets from the restaurant tonight so I don't have to pay for it.
Dad: Yeah, sugar packets. That'll get you even. Your luck it'll put you over the weight limit, or they'll think it's cocaine.
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