Sao Paulo during a quarantine

 Sao Paulo during a quarantine

Things that are good

My apartment is serving me well. It's a perfect size for one person, a one bedroom with a stove and a fridge and microwave. It's sparse, but I am making it work. It's in a safe neighborhhod right next to a hopspital (if God forbid I need it) surrounded by supermarkets and convenience stores, close to two metro stations. It's in a gated building with a security guard and a doorman. There's a balcony that doesn't overlook anything interesting but it lets in lots of light and fresh air and just having that in my life right now is very refeshing and calming. There's daily maid service which I didn't know I paid for and although I don't really want anyone in here it is nice and clean every day.

The cooking utensil and pan situation is a little lacking for my tastes but I am very good at playing the "let's see what I got that I can work with" game. I am pretty proud of the salad dressing I made with oil, vinagre, and a small packet of chimichurri spice mix. I know, salad dressing is not hard. But whatever, it's delcious. I made a massive amount of vegetable fried rice and a (way too large) pot of beans and I've eaten that almost every day with a bit of protein thrown on it. I've managed to mostly avoid red meat in the land where red meat is king (I don't have any issue with red meat really, but I haven't really had a taste for it in a while.) I am already officially sick of eating all the food I made (and already getting tired of coxinha and myriad meat baked in bread) but the supermarkets have an array of other stuff I would be happy to buy once I'm in a place for more than a week. Considering I usually buy my food in bulk, even as a person who lives alone, I have to constantly remind myself to buy portions of things that are as small as possible. I'm pretty close to an amazing gourmet market that has almost anything I could want including a wide variety of tropical fruit that I am loving eating every day. What fruit is that? Who cares. I just hope I'm not allergic to any of it... so far so good.

The weather is just perfect. Between 70-85 degrees every day with a cool breeze. Except for a daily downpour (it's the rainiest month in SP) which I've so far managed to avoid. Perfect for walking, which is great because there is not much to do during this time besides walk. And I'm WALKING. 15,000 to 22,000 steps a day. The city is HUGE and the metro stations are very far apart, and the bus system is comprehensive but I am completely intimidated by the buses. Uber here is very cheap and very reliable, but where is the fun in that? I walk around til I can't feel my legs anymore and wear myself out like one does to a small child. I came here to get exercise and be out in the sun, so here we are. I already feel more fit, considering what I was doing at home was sitting on the couch for 8 hours a day just biding my time until I had to go to my dreaded job the next day.

In regards to walking everywhere: I have researched the relative safety of the neighborhoods I go to, and only in one case did I exit the station and feel uncomfortable. I walked swiftly and closely behind a group of construction workers until I felt safe. That's right, safer behind a group of construction workers. Turns out one side of the huge subway station was completely desolate and the other was perfectly fine. I found out that this side of the station is not-so-affectionately known as "cracolandia," you know, as in crack.

When I leave the apartment, I tuck my cash in various pockets (and in my bra... reminds me of a COVID meme that had a sign on a bodega door that said "no titty money" and I just laugh every time I put money there.) I put my phone in my front pocket and have a sweatshirt wrapped around my waist even though it's too warm to bring a sweatshirt anywhere. I only take my phone out to quickly check directions and I make sure I am somewhere full of normal looking people when I do it. When I take a picture, I do it very quickly and only if I see an open store near me that I can run to if someone comes at me. I don't take out my ipad to read, nor my english language book. I don't sit alone anywhere not populated by couples and families. I don't text, I don't talk on the phone.

I got here on Christmas day, and the whole state of Sao Paulo declared itself a red zone to try to control the holiday spread of COVID. It was a red zone from Dec 25 - Dec 27, and will be one again Jan 1-2. Much like New York, even in a red zone, all of the essential services were open so I could get groceries and prepared foods at bakeries and delis. Luncheonettes are open.

The stores that are closed... a good half of them still have people working in them. They're re-stocking and re-arranging. I guess the stores are thinking... you're getting paid, you're gonna work, even if there's nobody allowed in to buy this shit. Then there's a number of places that have their metal gates open halfway with an employee sitting in the front and letting people in on the sly.

I have already had a 2-hour private lesson in Portuguese and my teacher is adorable and very good. She said she already loves me because I like forro and already know about Bahian food. The language school I've chosen in Bahia is currently not running group classes, only 10-hour sessions of private lessons. It's less than $200 for 10 hours of lessons, which is great. She said that Bahia is more open (as in physically, stuff is open) than Sao Paulo, and there are still group activities run by the school in the evenings because they are outdoors. I don't know how many other idiots have decided to come to Bahia to learn portuguese during COVID but I guess I will meet them.

Things that are less good

The COVID situation in Brazil is currently the worst in the world, and there are currently zero travel restrictions. This is how I was able to come here. Although I did take a PCR AND a rapid test before I boarded the plane, it was not required and was not asked for. The plane was filled to capacity. When I went through customs, even the customs agent looked at me and said "tourism?!" quizically. It's bad. The upside is that everyone in Sao Paulo, EVEN THE PEOPLE SLEEPING ON THE STREET, are wearing masks. Even when walking or biking outside alone. There are hand sanitizing stations everywhere and people use them. There are public notices on the subways and in the street reminding people that the mask goes OVER the mouth and nose and that wearing them is obligatory. Sao Paolo, I think, much like New York, sees itself as more refined as the rest of the country and is trying its best to do its part in keeping people from getting sick. I'm not sure it's working but maybe it's working better than in other places.

What little portuguese I have is practically useless at the moment. I took a year of Portuguese and I am generally quick to pick up and retain language but there are forces working against me. I'm being so careful to not draw attention to myself because I'm alone and a foreigner at a time where there is very little tourism and there's COVID... it's hard to pick up where you left off when you're trying very hard to have as little interaction with people as possible. I understand almost everything I read but I can't understand what anyone is saying to me. My auditory comprehension in other languages is pretty dismal. There's 4 facets of learning a foreign language and they don't all develop at the same rate: hearing, reading, speaking, and writing. You'd think they all develop at the same time, but they don't. And even in Spanish, which at one point I was fluent, I always had a harder time understanding than I did with anything else. To be honest, maybe I'm just a shit listener because a lot of times I need people to repeat what they've said to me in English, too. The mask situation makes it so much worse. It feels like I'm in a city of mumblers. And my spoken portuguese... I need to cut myself a break because I've only been here a couple of days but I feel like the words are in my head but I can't make them come out of my mouth. It just sounds like shitty, garbled spanish.

Most of the restaurants are closed. This isn't the worst thing in the world for me; as of January 4 I won't be earning a salary. This will help encourage me to eat more cheaply and cook for myself. What IS open is the snack bars and luncheonettes. This is slightly challenging on a couple of fronts.

Luncheonettes mostly serve very traditional regional Brazilian food at very low prices. VERY heavy, very meat and pasta forward. Feijoada everywhere, which I love, but I learned to make it myself (and it's pretty damned good if I do say so myself) and it's not something I want to put in my body when it's 85 degrees outside. In general, none of this food is what I want to put in my body in the heat. Yes, I know about acai and ice cream. That's not food, people.




The bigger concern is that I rarely see women eating alone. Am I afraid someone is going to do something to me? Not exactly. But aside from making the seemingly reckless decision to leave my salaried job for a few months and travel to COVIDlandia, I'm erring on the side of caution on all things. I do n't want to attract any unwanted attention, either by sitting alone in a place full of men, or ordering in my shitty portuguese, or taking out my english language book or ipad to keep myself busy. So I don't do it. I don't sit alone anywhere, really. There are definitely places where I see more women... places that are slightly more upscale but as I am trying to live simply, I am avoiding it right now. I am sure when I'm in Bahia, whose regional cuisine is a little more exciting to me, I will be more adventurous. But right now, it's fruit, stuff I've cooked myself, and stuff I've procured from the bakery across the street.

The poverty in Brazil is very upsetting. There's homeless people everywhere and some of them look just... awful. Even many people who don't look like they're in that bad a shape ... I have to imagine that COVID has made the economy much worse here for the down-and-out. It's everywhere. I saw a man deftly steal a towel from a store I was in. Just slipped it in his slightly open backpack while he was wearing it on his back. I saw a woman in a dress decide to completely hike it up in the middle of the street so she could scratch it. Saw her entire ass as she walked down the street, giving zero fucks. This is not THAT different from NYC but you know, when you're in a foreign place I think you notice it more. And you're more wary.

I am still incredulous that this is something I chose to do, followed through on, and did. It is NOT in my programming to just decide not to have a salary for a couple of months. To walk away from my responsibility, my kids. I travel a lot, and for weeks at a time, but I have never planned on being away for two months, maybe three. But I have felt so trapped in New York for so long now, and one day it hit me that I just couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I was in a hamster wheel, waking up to go to work which had just become something I dreaded every day. It was so empty, so unfulfilling, so sad. I know it's temporary; I love teaching and I love math and I love my students. Generally. But this year I just couldn't say the same, and very few can. But I was coming home at 3:30 in the afternoon to an empty house and what felt like an empty life, even though I know my life is far from empty. It's just on pause. But I couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness. And on top of that, I felt so much guilt knowing that I had it SO much better than so many other people and I still couldn't shake that feeling. My parents were in good health, I was getting paid, I could afford my apartment, I have so many supportive and loving friends. It still felt like it wasn't enough, and I felt like I couldn't hang on and patiently wait and suffer for a little bit longer.

The bottom line: I feel less lonely in a place where I know no one than I did in a city where I knew so many people but I wasn't able to have a normal life with them. This is an oxymoron, I know. All I know is the second I got here I felt better. I haven't felt this good in months. I hope it's not a temporary thing; I have a long way to go.