There's a pretty sketchy looking sex shop called "Romantic Depot" that's a good two town away from where I teach. I am reluctant; I have made fun of this place for years without ever going in.
It's actually a lovely store, clean, not sketchy at all. Staffed by young queer folk. I pick out a novelty paddle, a whip, handcuffs, some cock rings, you know, the usual.
I get to the check out and the cute girl looks at my work ID which I LEFT ON, GOING INTO A SEX SHOP, and says "oh! Do you work at the High School?"
Fuck. Caught. Play it cool, Phillips.
"I do!" I cheerily exclaim. She graduated about 5 years ago, I look familiar, yadda yadda, she didn't have me but maybe her friends did. She throws some extra little toys in the bag, gives me a coupon for a 20% discount next time, wishes me a good day.
That could have been worse; I walk away unscathed.
So we're having a party at work for my friend who is getting married and two of the organizers come to me and say "Cindy, we have a cock-mergency." We ordered some candy dicks to put on his cake and they're not going to come in time, please help.
This cake, by the way, is going to be a giant cock brownie from a giant cock brownie pan that I gifted this friend years ago. I won it in a game show at Coney Island and she'd been unsuccessfully hiding it from her kid for years, finally telling her it was a "rocket ship" when she found it. This cake pan has been used many, many times, despite the stress my friend must deal with every time she lugs a giant cock brownie into a HIGH SCHOOL.
I guess then know if you need some candy cock, I'm ya girl. No problem, back to Romantic Depot.
This time I'm smart and I take off my work badge and leave it in the car.
I walk in and some cute girl asks if I need help, and I say I need "penis bachelorette" stuff and she cheerily guides me to an aisle full of cock paraphernalia. She gives me a 20% off coupon and a shopping bag.
I think to myself, "you know, I could stand to buy a new vibrator." Because who doesn't need a new vibrator, and with 20% off. But, I'm remembering the last time I was in here, what if I see that student again? Just take your dicks and leave, Phillips.
I go to check out and another cheerful girl, talking about and squeezing her own boobs, takes my things. I ask her how much the 5-pack of dick candles are, and it's $10, and I think "where am I going to put dick candles? I pass on the candles."
She rings me up and says "oh! Actually I have this 50% off coupon for you, the dick candles will only be $5, do you want them?" "Sure," I say, "I'm sure there will be some occasion for me to use dick candles." She agrees, "Everyone could use some dick candles in their life!"
She's just the cutest, bubbly and warm. And then I look into her eyes (she's wearing a mask) and think, oh... her eyes just seem... familiar.
And is dawns on me... I think I taught this kid.
I am really glad I didn't grab myself a new dildo is all I'm thinking.
I give her a credit card, and I think, well, if she sees my name and says nothing, then it's all good. She doesn't. Whew!
I go to leave and she tells me to "spin the wheel," and I will get a prize! I spin this sex toy wheel of fortune and it comes up "50% off" and now, thinking I am safe from this person who was not in fact my student, maybe I should get that dildo. Nope. Just... nope. "No, I'm good, that's all I need for today."
But she was determined to give me a prize. She whispers "spin again!" as if to hide this special treatment from a boss... and some extra toys come up which she happily tosses in my bag. She gives me another coupon, tells me to have a great day.
I walk to my car and I see her running out of the store SCREAMING at the top of her lungs "MISS PHILLIPS!" and jump straddles me and nearly knocks me over.
Yep, my student, from 10 years ago.
She said "your VOICE, it just sounded so familiar! But you're BLONDE! and I checked the receipt and saw your name... my friend and I were JUST talking about you!!"
And this is why teachers should buy their dildos on Amazon.
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